Phone and video calls with children while they are in the other home

What makes calls between homes work

A call with the parent they are not staying with can help a child feel connected to both homes. Calls tend to go best when they happen at a predictable time, stay fairly short, and follow the child's mood rather than an adult's expectations. A call is a chance to say hello, not a test of the child or of either parent.

If a court order or agreed parenting plan sets out calls or video contact, follow it. The ideas below are about making agreed contact easier for the children, not replacing formal arrangements.

Choose a time that suits the child

The best time is one that fits around the child's day, not the adults' diaries. Early evening, after a meal and before the bedtime routine starts, often works on school days. Avoid mealtimes, clubs, homework, and the last half hour before sleep.

• Younger children often manage a few minutes. Showing a drawing or a toy can be easier than answering questions.
• Older children may prefer a message or a voice note on some days, and a longer call on others.
• A fixed pattern, such as Tuesday and Thursday at 6.30 pm, helps both homes plan around it.
• Agree what happens when a call clashes with a birthday party or a late club, so it can move without a debate each time.

Helping from the home the child is in

The home the child is staying in can do a lot to make a call feel ordinary. Give a gentle reminder a few minutes before, make sure the device is charged, and offer a quiet spot. Stay nearby if the child is young, but let them talk without prompts or an adult listening closely.

Keep adult business out of the call. Arrangements, money, and disagreements belong in a separate message between the adults, never passed through the child or discussed while they are on the line.

Keeping the call easy from the other side

For the parent calling, the simplest calls are the warmest. Ask questions a child can answer easily, such as what they had for tea or what they built at school. Avoid asking about life in the other home, and try not to show disappointment if the call is short.

When a child does not want to talk

Most children sometimes refuse a call. They may be tired, in the middle of a game, or feel torn between the two homes. A single refusal is rarely a sign of anything more, and pressing hard tends to make the next call harder.

• Offer a choice, such as a shorter call, a voice note, or a photo instead
• Let the other parent know simply, without speculating about why
• Try again at the next agreed time rather than making the call a battle
• If refusals become a pattern, talk it through between the adults, away from the child

If a formal arrangement is involved and you cannot agree how to handle refusals, a mediator or family law solicitor can help. If a child seems frightened or distressed about contact, call 999 if they are in immediate danger, or contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or the children's social care team at the local council for advice.

Keep call times visible to both homes

Call times that both homes can see are less likely to be forgotten or double booked. In Parenting Apart, a recurring event on the shared calendar can hold the call time and the child it is for, so both parents see it alongside the rest of the week. The app does not make calls itself, so use whichever phone or video service suits the child.

If a call does not happen, a short factual note of the time and the next agreed call is more useful than a debate about why. This guide is general information, not legal advice.

Common questions