Explaining life in two homes to your children
Simple, age appropriate ways to explain the schedule and help children know where they will be and when.
By Tai
2 min read
Why a clear explanation helps
Children feel more settled when they know what is happening. Not knowing which home they will sleep in on Thursday, or who is collecting them from school, can make an ordinary week feel uncertain. A simple explanation, repeated often, helps them feel in control.
If you are concerned about how your child is coping over time, their school, GP, or health visitor can suggest support.
Keeping it right for their age
- Young children: short sentences, pictures, and a colour for each home on a wall calendar
- Primary age: a weekly calendar they can check themselves, with handover days marked
- Teenagers: access to the shared schedule and a say in practical details such as clubs and weekends
Agree with the other parent how you both describe the arrangement, for example naming each home by its street or town, so children hear the same language in both homes.
What to say, and what to leave out
- 1Explain where they will be and when, in practical terms.
- 2Reassure them that both homes are theirs.
- 3Answer questions honestly and simply.
- 4Keep adult disagreements and money matters between adults.
Children should never feel they have to choose between homes or carry messages. Our guide to setting boundaries around messages covers keeping them out of the message chain.
Show them the plan
A visible schedule does much of the explaining for you. Older children can check the shared calendar themselves, and younger children benefit from a printed or wall calendar showing each home in a different colour. Parenting Apart's shared calendar shows which home the children are in on each day, including handover days. See setting up a shared family calendar.
When the plan changes
Children cope best with changes when they hear about them early and from both parents, in the same simple terms. If the schedule changes for a holiday, a new job, or a house move, explain what will be different, when it starts, and what stays the same.
- Tell them as soon as the change is certain
- Show the change on the calendar
- Remind them the day before it starts
- Ask how they feel about it after the first week
Common questions
How often should I remind children of the schedule?
What if my child asks why we live apart?
Should both parents explain the arrangement together?
Written by Tai
Tai writes Parenting Apart guides on everyday messages, shared decisions, and handovers, focusing on clear, calm ways to keep the children's needs at the centre.