Making medical decisions for your child when you live apart

Urgent situations come first

Most health decisions are not emergencies. They include choosing treatments, starting or changing medication, referrals, and procedures such as orthodontic work. These usually benefit from both parents being informed and, where your arrangements require it, agreeing.

Share health information promptly

A child moving between homes needs both homes to have the same health picture. Pass on updates in writing on the day, not at the next handover.

• Appointments, results, and what the professional advised
• Medication, doses, and when the last dose was given
• Allergies and any changes to them
• Symptoms to watch for over the next few days

Each child's profile in Parenting Apart keeps details such as their doctor, dentist, allergies, and medication in one place both homes can see, and handover checklists can include medicine that needs to travel.

Agree non urgent decisions in writing

1. 1Set out what the professional recommended and the options offered.
2. 2Share any cost, and whether it is covered by the NHS or needs paying for.
3. 3Give a date by which you need a reply, based on when the appointment or treatment is booked.
4. 4Record the decision and the next step once you agree.

Parenting Apart's decision queue has a medical category for this, with room for a cost, a quote, and a reply date. The other parent can approve, suggest a counter proposal, or ask for more information. See our guide to shared decisions.

When you disagree

Disagreements about treatment are understandable, since both parents want the best for their child. Ask the professional involved to explain the options to both of you, or attend an appointment together if that works. The guided conversations in Parenting Apart include a medical decision disagreement topic, with prompts to help you prepare what you want to say.

Common questions