Making shared decisions about the children in writing

Keep decisions separate from everyday messages

A question about changing schools or starting a new treatment can disappear between messages about pickups and forgotten PE kit. Treating decisions as their own item makes them easier to find, answer, and look back on.

Parenting Apart has a shared decision queue for this. Each decision sits on its own, with its replies and outcome attached.

What a good proposal includes

• The question in one line, for example: Should Sam join the Saturday football club?
• Why it is needed and the alternatives considered
• Your recommendation, stated plainly
• Any cost, with a quote or estimate if you have one
• The date a reply is needed by, with enough time to think

Decisions in Parenting Apart can be marked as medical, education, activity, travel, or other, and can include a cost and a response date.

Responding to a proposal

A reply does not have to be yes or no. It often helps to ask a question or suggest a change before agreeing.

1. 1Approve it if you agree as it stands.
2. 2Suggest a counter proposal if part of it needs to change.
3. 3Ask for more information if something is unclear.

Record the outcome

Once a decision is settled, write down what was agreed, who is doing what, and by when. A short summary avoids different memories of the same conversation months later.

• What was decided, in one or two sentences
• Who is taking the next step, such as booking an appointment or paying a deposit
• Any cost and how it will be shared
• When the decision should be reviewed, if it is not permanent

If the decision involves a shared cost, record it as an expense too, so it appears in the running balance with the rest of the children's costs.

Common questions