Making school decisions together when you live apart

How separated parents can approach school applications, changes of school, and everyday school choices with a clear, shared process.

By Tina

2 min read

Which school decisions need both parents

Some school matters are day to day and can be handled by whichever home the children are in. Others shape the children's lives for years and usually need both parents to agree.

  • Choosing a school, or moving to a different one
  • Admissions applications and their deadlines
  • Additional support for learning, and assessments
  • Major trips, particularly overseas
  • Subject choices that affect later options
Check your arrangements

Who can make which decisions may be set out in a court order or parenting plan. If it is, follow that. This guide is general information and not legal advice.

Start early and share the facts

Admissions deadlines are fixed, and a rushed decision is harder to agree on. Share open day dates, application deadlines, and school information with the other parent as soon as you have them.

  1. 1Add every deadline and open day to the shared calendar.
  2. 2Visit schools separately or together, whichever works better.
  3. 3Share the same information, such as reports and travel times from each home.
  4. 4Ask the children's views where they are old enough, without asking them to choose between parents.

Propose, discuss, and decide

Set out the decision in writing: the options, your recommendation and reasons, any cost, and the date a reply is needed by, leaving time before the real deadline. Our guide to shared decisions covers what a good proposal includes.

In Parenting Apart, school choices can be raised as education decisions in the shared decision queue. The other parent can approve, suggest a counter proposal, or ask for more information, and the outcome stays with the decision. For a disagreement about school choice, the guided conversations include prompts to help you prepare.

After the decision

Once a school is agreed, update the practical arrangements that follow from it: school runs, handover points, and uniform costs. A new school can also be a good moment to review the weekly schedule.

Everyday school matters

Most school matters are smaller: a permission slip, a request for a meeting, a change of club. Agree a simple rule for these, such as the home the children are with that week handles them and lets the other home know the same day.

Common questions

What if we cannot agree on a school?

Try to narrow the options together and look at what matters most for the children. If you still cannot agree, a family mediator can help. Some families also seek legal advice.

Can both parents receive school reports?

Many schools can send information to both parents where that is appropriate. Ask the school office what is possible for your family.

Written by Tina

Tina writes Parenting Apart guides on holiday schedules, shared expenses, and keeping family records organised, with practical steps that make arrangements between two homes easier to follow.

Next step

Put shared decisions in writing.

A decision queue for school, health, activities, and travel, with the question, a recommendation, and the date a response is needed by.

See how it worksMore decisions guides

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