Agreeing on after school activities and clubs

How to decide on clubs and activities that fall across both homes, share the cost, and keep attendance consistent whichever home the children are in.

By Tai

2 min read

Why activities need both homes

A weekly club often falls on a day in each home. If one parent signs a child up without the other agreeing, the other home may be left with transport, kit, and costs it did not plan for, and the child may miss sessions.

Agreeing activities together means the child can attend every week, whichever home they are in.

Before signing up

  1. 1Check which days the activity falls on in each home.
  2. 2Agree who does the transport on each day.
  3. 3Share the full cost, including kit, trips, and competitions.
  4. 4Ask your child how much they want to do it.

Parenting Apart's decision queue has an activity category for this, with room for the cost, a quote, and a reply date. See our guide to shared decisions.

Sharing the cost

Club fees are a classic recurring cost. Agree whether each activity is shared, how it is split, and when it is paid. For regular fees, a budget proposal in Parenting Apart can set a termly amount. Our guide to budgeting for children's costs covers the approach.

Count the extras

Kit, match fees, exam fees, and trips can double the cost of an activity. Include them in the proposal so there are no surprises later.

Keeping it going

  • Add every session to the shared calendar as a repeating event
  • Keep kit lists on the handover checklist for club days
  • Share updates from coaches or teachers with the other home
  • Review activities each term with your child

Listening to your child

Children usually commit more to activities they have chosen. Ask what they would like to try, how much time they want to spend on clubs, and whether any current activity has stopped being enjoyable. Balance their wishes with what both homes can manage in time, transport, and cost.

  • Ask your child before signing them up
  • Agree a trial period for anything new
  • Check in at the end of each term
  • Let them stop an activity if it no longer suits them, after talking it through

Common questions

Can one parent sign a child up for an activity alone?

It depends on your arrangements. Activities that affect the other home's time or costs are usually best agreed together first.

What if an activity falls only on one home's days?

That home may choose to arrange and pay for it, but it is still worth letting the other parent know, and agreeing if it affects shared costs.

What if the children want to do different activities in each home?

That can work well, as long as both parents know about each activity and any shared costs are agreed.

Written by Tai

Tai writes Parenting Apart guides on everyday messages, shared decisions, and handovers, focusing on clear, calm ways to keep the children's needs at the centre.

Next step

Put shared decisions in writing.

A decision queue for school, health, activities, and travel, with the question, a recommendation, and the date a response is needed by.

See how it worksMore decisions guides

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