Agreeing screen time and phone rules across two homes
How to find enough consistency on screens, phones, and online safety that children know what to expect in both homes.
By Tina
2 min read
Why some consistency helps
Identical rules in both homes are rarely realistic, and small differences are normal. But when the essentials differ widely, such as whether a phone stays in the bedroom overnight, children can find the switch between homes harder and may play one set of rules against the other.
Aim to agree the few things that matter most, and let each home decide the rest.
The essentials worth agreeing
- Screens off at a set time before bed on school nights
- Where phones and tablets are kept overnight
- Age ratings for games, apps, and films
- Online safety settings and parental controls
- Which social media apps are allowed, and from what age
Deciding about a first phone
A first phone is a significant decision that affects both homes. Treat it as a shared decision: set out the reasons, the options, the cost, and who pays for the contract.
- 1Agree the age and the reason, such as travelling to secondary school.
- 2Choose the type of phone and contract together.
- 3Agree the rules that come with it in both homes.
- 4Decide how the cost is shared and recorded.
Parenting Apart's decision queue can hold this as an activity or other decision, with the cost, a quote, and a reply date. See our guide to shared decisions.
Keep the agreed rules visible
Write down what you agree so both homes, and any grandparents or carers, can follow it. Each child's profile in Parenting Apart has a screen time field alongside bedtime and other routines, so the agreed approach is easy to find. Our guide to the information both homes need covers the rest.
Screen time rules that suit a nine year old will not suit a thirteen year old. Review them each school year.
Online safety across both homes
Online safety settings work best when they are the same in both homes. A device that is locked down in one home and open in the other gives children an easy way around the rules.
- Use the same parental controls on devices that travel
- Agree which apps and games are allowed
- Share the same approach to screens in bedrooms
- Talk to children about online safety in both homes
Common questions
Do both homes need the same screen time rules?
What age should a child get a phone?
What if the other home allows more screen time?
Written by Tina
Tina writes Parenting Apart guides on holiday schedules, shared expenses, and keeping family records organised, with practical steps that make arrangements between two homes easier to follow.